| Profil de _Babybug_Susan♥ *~ BaByBuG SuSaN~* ♥PhotosBlogListes |  Outils  Aide |
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18 mai blog again
My pain has been getting worse slowly this week, So I’m living if you can call it living, in a world of pain and feeling so dam well fed up and angry, sometimes I wonder what do I have? What do I have to get up for? All I have is Dave I know he can help me ( I love him to bits and without him I would have gave in) but he can only help me for so long and for so far……… I’m the only one that can stop me thinking and stop what’s in my head is me. (I have no idea how to do this) I’m starting to withdraw more into my music, if you know me you know this is a bad thing the more I shut myself off to music the harder it is to come away from it. So I’m searching for this place where I don’t need to worry if I’m having a bad or a good day, where I don’t feel pain or need to think, I need a little time, I need to find myself. I do find myself on a good day BUT on a bad day I’m not myself I change, all I need and want is to stop the pain. I need to find a way to hide the cracks in myself. If I had a wish I would not ask for anything else apart from I just want it to be like b4 where I was normal and away from this god dam pain! I don’t feel like me I just feel like I’m floating between myself and this horrible person inside me. (This is where you think blimey she is mad) subject change needed now I think. So there is me today what mood I’m in is anyone’s guess, what I have I been up to? Well we know the answer to that one and what am I up to today? Answer : Same as normal staying in bed! BYE *HUGS* xxx
P.S I will answer your comments thought out the day, just remembered I was due for pills at 1 and I forgot
9 mai Tuesday hugs
Now onto one of me fav things......................HUGS! Im hug mad I know I cant help it, sometimes when your feeling down a hug will pick you up again, sometimes you can be happy but a hug will make you happier. We all like hugs and need them. Im not sure what i should blog about today all i know is i want hugs all the times not sure why tho
It's wondrous what a hug can do. Most important thing *HUGS 2 U ALL*
So how am i today? I'm okish i had one hell of a shitty night last night and the pain i was in was horrible i felt like screaming and taking the pills the docs give me that make me see things as i was in so much pain i wanted it to stop, as for today im so so feeling a little tried well a lot really and im just relaxing yet again today on a good note i have so chocolate cake mmmmmm and pizza for tea yummy so i will be happy ( dont take a lot to make me smile i know lol
I hope your all well and are enjoying the sunshine.
HUGS
Byebye
xxxx xx 8 mai Monday fairy bug today i think lets hope i stay in this okies mood 2day please  I got up today at about 12:30 ish
 late i know but when your up taking pills till late and doing it again early in the morning , if i sleep its a good thing least i can't hurt.So i get up my other halfs on pc helping my stepdad do something and dave will you ever stop the moaning at me about him,it drives me mad as i think why tell me why not bitch at him??? if you dont want to help then dont!!!
Anyway that is my day so far, so i thought i would go into space still finding this weird as i have not done it for so long, think people would have forgot me by now or thik i have been rude anyway i decided to do this below kept me shhhhhh for a bit and stopped me thinking things so thank you to Lisa Jane as it was on her space i saw this , so maybe go say hi to her she is a brillant writer
 ***You Are a Dreaming Soul***
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul
What Kind of Soul Are You? *HUGS*
7 mai trying to blogHere I am yet again its seems like only yesterday I used to be strong and unbreakable like nothing could go wrong …. Ever think your losing your mind? Im not sure if this is a blog or not yet... I’m having a feeling like I’m stressing and losing my mind, It’s like I’m floating right between the dark depressing side of life and the normal happy me side of life all I know its not healthy to feel like this. Sometimes I feel like going to that dark side of life just sitting in the depressing side of life and giving in BUT something inside me does not want that I want to wake up inside and I want someone to help me find my way I need someone to rescue me and get the best of me out and please I just need help sorting this out in me head. * wishing for a magic wish to make it all better* Im thinking about letting it out I want to give in I want to go out I want that feeling inside the its me feeling, I want to make a change and im starting to wake up to the sound of my heart the feeling inside that makes me want to dance and scream , its like I’m back to the start. Im trying to be up from my down I’m trying to turn it round. I’m taking a stand I want you to see im trying hard I want to be true to my heart and stop this horrible feeling inside, not sure how to stop it, but im trying so hard i want to be happy and normal so today im trying hard and when i have a bad thought or feeling i just hide it away inside cos no1 seems to understand. There are people talking, they talking about me, they think they know me but they don’t know nothing about me, give me a some
They think they know me they think they can fix me and I’m sick of it all I’m a number and a name on a file but there is more to me I did have a life I was happy and my world was not falling down on me. If I hear it’s my illness one more time and when you get better your feel more like yourself one more time I will scream!! People act like they don’t know me, they act like I’m different I sometimes wish people would say what they thinking I wont break don’t walk round me like I am breakable all you do is make me feel dead inside I don’t want peoples sad eyes and them feelings so sorry for me. If you know me you will know I don’t want that I want to feel normal. Yes im on a load of pills sometimes I have a good day then I will have a run of bad days, then on other days I don’t make sense but I can’t help it, don’t walk away from me just think to yourself , oh she must be having a bad day that is all.
Would you belive after writing all that i feel a lot better inside , im just to scared to look up, i have no idea what i have wrote I think the reason i like my blogs is they may not make sense but to me they help me so much
P.S Just in case no1 knows this 1 but me other half Dave ( well my fiance ) is always there for me even if he annoys me at times and i want to kill him as he always thinks his right (lol) just once i wouldlike to be right
P.SS I think the person im asking for help from is myself so no1 can take this blog the wrong way sometimes it helps to write something and a day or a few days later i find it helps if i reread what i wrote. Maybe im hopeing the fighting susan will pop up and help me who knows maybe im just mad!! *~HUGS~*
xXx 19 avril Can anyone stop me falling?Ever wonder what shits in my head?????? Well now your find out if you read this….. so don’t read it.
I have seen the light and I saw what I wanted, I then made the hardest choice ever and left home so I could get my dream…… I did what it took to learn how to fly away into the sun but I wont forget all the one’s I love and that are close to me. I have just broke away but not for good. Sometimes I think did I do the right thing???? Answer is YES! I went to see my family and things are diff now since I have been gone they don’t need me like b4 ( thing is I need them now more then I have ever needed them) I now I have my own life and my own family, I have moved on and im finally getting what I want! I thought it would be hard to deal with this, but it was ok as im with the one I love it feels like I can breath for the 1st time in my life im happy I just want to be with him and I have never felt like this b4, its like I can breath and im getting what I want at last.
I will not let myself open up to how im feeling, I have learnt that if I open up to how im feeling there is no going back. Maybe me writing this is my cry for help? Who knows what it is. I know one thing im a shadow of myself, I look so grey and washed out, where is the Susan I know? Where is the fun girl gone? Maybe writing this is my way of talking to myself who knows and do I even care?? I know i hide away from my family and friends to scared of talking incase someone works out what is going on inside me
Enuff is said maybe someone will read this and make it all better 5 avril bedrest  Bedrest Now i have been told today by Dave im not aloud out of the house BEDREST So im on bedrest cause i have been doing to much, now walking to the shop is classed as to much  its not fair! I have 8 walls to look at, its not much to look at really. I have 8 red boring walls they do have some pics on them. I must not forget the pics as they make me smile and cheer me. Now i think i am slighty fedup maybe depressed is the word i should use? and bored i mean what is there to do all day long?Apart from take yet more bloody pills
 and feel more shitty inside and like your going mad.  I should be used to it but im going stir bloody crazy My mum says i need a hobbie  i say i need some good health and not to feel blood shitty.
What do you think i need?
How many times have i said shitty today???
So this is me trying to do a blog that has just turned into me moaning yet again but i cant seem to help but moan of let and can anyone blame me? Boredom drives people mad! Illness drives people to became even madder! If you know someone that is bored then help them as you wont really know how bored and fed up they are till you ask them. Just spear a few mins to see if they ok trust me your make there day dont leave yr mates just cause they ill as tht is mean. Now i have had a moan im going yet again to do ........................*~HUGS~*
~*Susan*~ 1 avril OMG im blogging
I can't belive how long it has been since i last did a blog and im sure i have forgotten how to blog..... ........Now yr all being think why am i blogging now? Have me and Dave spilt up? Am i bored? why now well .....Me and Dave are happy as ever and no im not bored.... Reason........I have not blogged is i just have not been up to it and i have had so many emails ect asking where i am so thought i best try and blog
The thing is i have really not been ill i have spent a lot of time in hospital (Dave also had his appendixs out his doing ok now ) Im due to have a operation but not till July  NHS for you ....So im having to live with pain 24-7 funny thing is when a doctor sees me they now say omg! yr in pain please sit down take this but the pills so dont work....Im on so many pills a day i rattle *shakes* * rattle* lol I feel sick a lot of the time and anitsickness stops it a little but then tht makes u zzzzzzz  So you cant really win Im out of it a lot of the time.....I will give you a laugh one lot of pills i was on made me see things and i mean i saw dancing monkeys in my room  I so don't get why ppls take drugs cause it was horrible. I could'nt even get up 2 go to the loo without Dave helping me it got that bad...... This is why i have not been around not cause im rude or cause i don't care i just could not do it, even now its hard 2 stay awake i want 2 sleep and what have i done 2day? See my problem now?....... I hope all is well with everyone and everyone understands i am trying 2 b around but i can't handle a lot of late Take care, I hope to talk to you all soon.*~HUGS~*
Susan xx
30 janvier how sad am i 2 blog this lolHow sad am I?
 How sad am I to blog about this?
I know im sad this blog is going to be BORING!
BUT
I don't care its cheered me up 2day and I don't care cos to me its made my day
 ( YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW WHAT IM LIKE )
 This morning i got up i was feeling like shit yet again
 im now getting used to the pain i get in me tummy day in day out and its a sad fact that im now used to the bloody horrible pain Anyway that was not what i was blogging i was blogging the fact i woke up thinking what another horrible day i would have, Dave had left for college and i was at home in bed so i grabbed the laptop and went to this space
Eth made me smile by reading her blogs she really did cheer me up when ever im feeling down and fed up she always cheers me up so Thank - you *~HUGS~*
They when you dont think you day could be better I find out me and Dave are getting a new bed YAY! our beds so old it makes horrible noise when you move on it
So we getting a new bed and its looks well gr8 i cant wait I mean i know its only a bed but when u spend as much time as me in it, its ace a sad thing to be all excited about i know but hey i said i was said at the start of this blog and i don't care if you think its sad cos im smiling today which when your in pain is a hard thing 2 do so im HAPPY!.............. So
nightnight
    Side by side or miles apart, Good friends are always Close to the heart.
P.s is it just me but i just did this blog and hit publish and lost half me blog
 I have noticed all theses changes r making spaces play up BIG time its so ANNOYING! 15 janvier Im SorryHello Everyone,
I am sorry i have not answered comments of late or been around but i have just not has the time with being ill
and work stuff then wanting to spend time with Dave  And trying to write letters to my family and talk to them, there is just not enuff hours in the day at the moment (i wish there was) its not that i am lazy and don't care i just can't keep it all up.If your on my MSN your notice im hardly ever on that. I hope your all well and i will try to blog still but it wont be as much and from my lack of comments you all know im not about as much now so please don't take it the wrong way. I still read your space when i can, i may not comment as im worried if i comment in 1 space and you see i not done another im being rude but i am not.I am doing ok been to the doctors and now wait to see a hospital doctor and have a scan im slighty annoyed at the wait and on new pills but feel ill a lot of the time which is also a reason i have not been around and being ill is driving me mad so me blogs would just be depressing at the moment for you to read. I Hope to talk to you all sound in spaces or maybe i catch u on msn if not you know i will answer a email.
Take care
*~HUGS~*
Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this.  I have added some pictures of me Dave yet again if you want a peck im still pic mad ,more fun now tho as i can share them with Dave 22 décembre Why do i have to name blogs :S Meaning of Christmas
Christmas time is for games and fun, for making cakes, and having fun. You have a laugh and eat loads of sweets, Christmas time is full of treats. Gifts are under the Christmas tree,
Lot’s of presents for you and me.
But don’t forget what it’s all about.
It’s about the time you spend with your loved ones, And the joy you feel inside.
Well I not been around much as you may know "Susan is a poorly bug"
Reminds me of Christmas
well i wish you all a HAPPY XMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR and hope to talk to you all soon. I hope santa brings you all what you want
This year will be a intresting xmas i think
*~ HUGS ~* xx 15 décembre I NEED SLEEPSometimes it Seems Sleep Will Never Come
I cant sleep
Until the stories
running around my head are recorded and dismissed, Until my mind is clear of the plots of the day and the questions go away. I Can't Sleep. Im such a **** i forgot 2 put this up last night but in all fairness it was lik 455 when i did this...................sad blog cos i could not sleep did it make me sleep ? NOP!  14 décembre I cant belive how late it isI need a moan and where better for me to do it then in my blog, so here i go...........You ever have that horrible feeling inside when you feel so shitty and ill you just want to curl up and die? im having one off them days Look at the time  its like 2 in the morning i can't sleep because im feeling so bloody shitty. Its not fair im getting highy annoyed that i have a few weeks at best of feeling fine then i have weeks off feeling so ill  I just really scared myself maybe that is why i feel safe back in my blog ? Maybe lack of sleep is not helping or my weird kind of home sickness i have .............. Its weird how love can change things and how being loved feels so gr8 instead its also funny how im so much closer to me mum now i have moved out, my little sister has took my role over at home its funny really it was me sis's bday on monday the 1st time i have been away for any important days and dam it was horrible i just wanted to hug her and see her open her presents but never did. Its funny how i can see the xmas lights going up for xmas and even me and dave have a tree and lights in our room presents are being wrapped and i feel like im torn in 2 torn to my family and to dave, i want to be with me family at xmas but i wont be i be here with dave so i will miss them and all my memorys are off family xmas, mums tree, the kids getting excited, taking them xmas shopping and helping me mum with things. nIt dont feel like xmas at all to me BUT if im there with them i wont have dave and we wont have our 1st xmas 2gether will we? My mum told me something the other day that she was proud of me something i worry about cos i never wanted to disappoint her and she said i was growing up and she could feel and hear i was happy.  The confusing thing is i dont understand how i can be feeling so happy yet so bad inside xmas days meant to start with me bro waking me up at like 5 in morning whos going to do tht this year? what reason do i have to get up on that day? moaning susan i know but i dont think anyone understands wht its like really and i must sound so bloody bad cos im happy really i have the man of me dreams the guy that loves me so much and would do anything for me yet i can moan but funny thing is its not at him is it? its at the way things have changed i think the problem is i cant cope with change i have to know how things are going to be .......I know how xmas was but wht will the future xmas bring?now i have sat and thought about the whole homesickness thing its all linked 2 xmas really and wht i would say xmas is for me and my family i know we open r presents ect but here its going to be difff im not sure how im meant to take all this change? im usedd tgo wht i know i have all me presents here but i feel nothing at all where as i used to me mum says im growning up and i will now make a xmas for myself BUT wht if its not the xmas i want?...... You know what the scary thing is? i cant stop playing this song at the mo i have a need for thiis song god knows why
Now why the hell am im playing this again? is it all cos of HOME sickness? I really miss my family and how things were its not that i dont like how things are now cos i do i love them i just need some ..........PLEASE "Hello" HELP!
I know vickys feeling shitty as well so i hope she feels better soon.Best thing is im here talking 2 myself and its helping.
nightnight
9 décembre Finally i get to blog
LOVE IS WHEN YOU LOOK INTO SOMEONE'S EYES AND SEE THEIR HEART.
Hello everyone,
Its been like about 3 weeks or so since i last blogged i can't belive it its been so long a far cry from the days when i blogged everyday (sometimes more then once)
Well im well apart from the fact i have a Viral infection and Dave does as well
So we are both poorly together which is lots of fun  Well as you all know im not in my space as much but it does not mean i dont read my comments or my emails ect just not had time to blog really i say to myself i will blog later then i end up doing something else then next thing im sleeping
and its a new day.Plus with being so far away from home i seem to talk to my family more now which is ace but i really do miss them
I tell you something i love it here the towns so big and all the shopping i can now do its brillant i can spend hours in town just looking and not getting a thing the best thing is just beig here with dave. Finally getting what i wanted and needed in life its funny really.
 Im still in shocked that im engaged and that i moved out and it all happened so fast i was so worried about how my mum would take it but she has been fine she knows im happy in love and loved and looked after the best thing is i have taught me mummy to use msn yep my mummy has her own msn ( hi mum  ) im so proud of her she hates pc and she learnt to use one for me.
I really do believe in love at 1st sight now its like you just know when your in love and when its right you just feel it and you feel that magic inside you its so hard to explan but you just know. Well i was thinking ( nop not got a headace yet  )its like few weeks till xmas now WOW! its gone so fast i have been living here for like what 5weeks weeks But i have been here 9 weeks BUT it seems like so much longer it seems like i been here forever maybe that is what love does to you who knows all i know is its gr8 feeling the best in the world.
Well i have nothing much to say really just blogging to say HELLO and see how you all are as i been told off in a email about not blogging ( sorry Daves been keeping me busy
) plus my blogs are so loved up at the mo im sorry One thing i have learnt from moving here i have learnt who my true friends are and the ones that care i have one friend ( i wont name him as your all know him) his been the best mate to me ever we have been throught some really hard times now we dont seem to hardly talk now your think as i moved i wont see him but thing is he never lived where i lived and we met up once a month for work stuff ect now i really miss me mate i dont know what happened but we have driffed apart and i dont get why as i have not changed
weird how your so close to someone then you meet someone and WAM! the friendship starts to go i so dont get it but then i have a friend who i used to travel to work with every day that i text every day and call plus writing emails and letters ( shes been ace really helped me with the move) and we are fine So my point being is never forget your friends as they aways be there for you they may change or move but hey they still there and they still the same person ( Im still the same ) I have found a old poem that i have dug out as i think it says it all
AS WE WALK OUR PATH OF LIFE,WE MEET PEOPLE EVERY DAY. MOST R SIMPLY MET BY CHANCE, BUT SOME R SENT R WAY. THESE BECOME R SPECIAL FRIENDS WHOSE BOND WE CANT EXPLAIN THE ONES WHO UNDERSTAND US AND SHARE OUR JOY N PAIN. THEIR LOVE THIS LOVE SO THESE R FRIENDS LIFE SENDS R WAY THEY REMAIN FOREVER NEAR I best go now as i need food now and going to watch a DVD i hope your all well byebye 4 now *~HUGS~*
Side by side or miles apart, Good friends are always Close to the heart.
4 novembre yay! Blimey I can't belivie its nearly time for me to move its a great feeling inside but also so scary i dont know y tho its like a mix of feelings gd n bad its gr8 as i get 2 b wid Dave but also sad as im going 2 really miss me family going 2 b so hard but least i have work lined uo n a place 2 stay so its all gd really. its been v v hard saying me gd byes thi i really dont like doing it ( der me no1 would like doing it lol )Funny how months ago i would not have seen myself moving out till at least after xmas but now im off in 24 hours n enaged its like WOW!
  Must say someone was a little mean 2 me in a comment saying do i really know Dave come on think about it ???? I love him he loves me we know each other inside out his there 4 me n best thing he wants me n treats me right yes im in love n its gr8 so someone cant lie 24-7 n nor can his family so yes i know him so if u dont like it then sorry go away as i wont give him up I hope everyone is well n sorry for lack off comments but as u all know i been v v v busy at last i have the best luck ever im like a big kid its like all my bad luck was for a reason n it was so i would get megd luck n Dave who knows its like a dream i keep thinking im going 2 wake up n thank god i its not.Im not surewhen i will blog next cos of the move etc so im not being rude n hope yr all well so
nitenite n byebye 4 now
*~ HuGs ~*
3 novembre Leaving Well as u all know i have been at Daves for the past few weeks and have brought him home 2 meet me family. He goes home on sunday but the best thing ever has happened ..........Me and Dave are engaged now But even better is that im moving to Daves and its not after xmas its on sunday when he goes i go as well wow! finally im getting all the gd things i wanted and dreamed off my luck has changed at last i still cant belive it im getting ready 2 leave home but im also finally growing up i feel like im going 2 explode as im sooooooo happy i cant belive it how my life has changed all cos off meeting one guy n how loved i am and how special i feel inside looks like im really lucky .........So as u can tell been very busy few weeks telling me family n packing things up so lack of blogs again. Never thought id be moving out let alone with Dave and so soon its like wow. Im going to really miss me family but they happy for me and love dave to bits like i do so its all good and its all cos of one person that me and Dave got 2gether so to tht person i really thank them  After months of shitty bad luck i finally have me fairy tale yay!
*~ HuGs ~*
26 octobre Hols pics
As u can see a me n dave pic yay! think u can c we r soooooooooooo happy
Well im still away at Daves so i wont answer yr comments yet but thought id do a fast blog to show u all some of me pics
they r over there ---------->>>>>>> Called me n dave pics look i loved up only a few up at mo cos i moving them over still lolOk im v loved up as u will c from me pics they just of me n Dave but hey i happy plus i been moaned at 2 blog cos ppls want 2 c me pics lol..........
...............And its not fair i got my infections back again so i am not happy about tht think i m going 4 a record of being ill for sooooooooooooooo long now...... I been v poorly over this week but i have been very lucky as welll as Dave has really looked after me and made sure i been ok even by going without zzzzzzzzz 4 me n making sure i ok awwwwwwwwww so sweet must b love .....Dam i am so happy now..... Hope yr all well n catch up soon sorry i not answered comments but wid being here n being ill no time i think u get wht i mean..........
B4 i forget Jazz n Chris ( me little bro n sis) i really miss u both
*~HuGs~* 20 octobre UpdateJust so u all know i will not b around much for the next few weeks as im away
..............But cos when i hide away i get tolod off cos ppls worry i thought id tell u b4 hand so u all know............I will answer me comments as soon as i can n fill u in on my hols when i get time  ............I hope yr all well ByEbYe
4 now
*~ HUGS~*
xx 18 octobre THANK UI want to say a BIG ThAnK YoU to all off you that wishes me a HaPpY BiRtHdAy it was really nice of you all to give me your time and say happy birthday and give me a hug all 2gether i got 64 comments WOW! Thank u all I want to say a BIG Thank u 2 Eth for the bday blog *~ HuGs ~*
Go check her space out and leave her a comment
I also want 2 Thank Nataha for her bday blog as well *~ HuGs ~*
GO check her space out and vote for her space as well its really gd
I will answer you all back but this is going to take me some time as i have hospital 2day and as u all know i not been very well again. So 1st thing i thought id do this blog b4 i go 2 hospital
 So even tho i was feelin a ill i had a gd bday still my family were gr8 and a lot of u asked if i got me bday wish 2 spent time with me bf Dave?
nop i did not get 2 b with him bit hard when im here n his there but i will see him at the weekend as im up there for the whole of the end of term SOoooooo
I Best go to the hospital now its going 2 b a long day 2day im getting used to it now anyway and hearing how bad me hand is lol
ByE ByE
4 NoW
*~ HuGs ~*
Im back wid a hospital update from hell
sorry for me moan but i needed it byebye xx 16 octobre Oct 17th its my bday
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Not sure how to start this blog today or how to write it, all I know is I tried to blog again, it lasted a few days. 
Come on i know you were all dying to tell me to stop moaning about it. I should count myself lucky there r ppls out there tht r worse off then me but thing is i been ill on and off for so long im getting worried now! 
THERE R SOME FRIENDS WE HOLD CLOSE TO R HEARTS FOREVER
CONTAINS NO BOUNDRIES,SO EVEN WHEN APART,THEIR PRESENCE STILL EMBRACES US WITH A WARMTH FELT IN THE HEART 
Im really happy again 2day maybe cos i know its not long till weekend maybe cos we been apart for so long and know we know its not long till we are 2gether again I really can't wait for this now it seems to b going a little faster now..Knowing tht he has me heart its like im flying on the wings off love and i can't fall cos his arms are open ready 2 catch me if i should fall 
| Your Birthdate: October 17 |
 Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection. |
overloading on blogs :S
I sorry i can't help it its like im on a buzz 2day all i done is house work and sort family shit out then i been talking 2 Dave or like my whole family has been again My mummy really likes him its scary really how much she likes him as she likes no 1 i like
Your First Name of: Susan
Although the name Susan creates the urge to be both logical and technical, we emphasize that it causes procrastination, lack of confidence, and the inability to realize your goals and ambitions. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the elimination and fluid systems.
Your first name of Susan has given you a pleasant, easy-going, friendly nature. Personal contacts are important to you. In situations where you are serving others, demonstrating or instructing, you have the patience to go into details that someone else may not think to be important. In your association with others, you are often limited to the more mundane happenings and little personal problems that can be so frustrating to those of an active, dynamic nature. You desire to create system and order in your environment but are inclined to become side-tracked and socialize when you should be working. Your ambitions are not large, as you lack confidence in your own abilities and would sooner not take a chance.
Gender: Girl
Pronunciation: SOO-zun
Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: "Lily."
Notes: Short form of Susannah. In the apocryphal Book of Tobit, Susannah was a woman of courage who defended herself against wrongful accusation. First used in the 18th century. Susan is the English form, Suzanne is French, and Susana is Spanish.
I was slighty bored and looked all tht up
Voodoo & SeranoOverload
Lost and alone,
but I still keep proceeding on
with no sense of time
I don't even know where I'm going..
I begin to get breathless
and my heart it keeps beating faster
I know I just can't take this
how much longer now
I'm getting ready, I'm getting ready to explode
that's why I got the fire
light up the fuse I'm letting go
I'm getting ready, I'm getting ready to explode
don't hold me down now
I'm just about to overload..
Time is running out
I feel I'm walking upon my wire
heading till the end
and I'm starting lo lose my mind
I'm getting ready, I'm getting ready to explode
that's why I got the fire
light up the fuse I'm letting go
I'm getting ready, I'm getting ready to explode
don't hold me down now
I'm just about to overload..
I wonder why i like this song so much
Maybe cos the song words saying im getting ready cos i am getting ready to move on with my life i am getting ready to take a big jump in my life its so scary but also so great. I play tht tune 24-7 at the mo im overloading on it
Happy Birthday
from me to me.
Wishes of happiness
hoping they come true.
Libra
I was slighty bored well i was sat here and thinking cos its my bday 2mor wht did my star sign mean and was so head dead thought id blog it to bore u all
The Scales
September 24 to October 23
Traditional
Libra Traits
Diplomaitic and urbane
Romantic and charming
Easygoing and sociable
Idealistic and peaceable
On the dark side....
Indecisive and changeable
Gullible and easily infuenced
Flirtatious and self-indulgent
Libra! About Your Sign... 
Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, all the others representing either humans or animals.
Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.
Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.
Blimey tht is why im very artistic then
In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship.
Blimey tht one is true i have done tht.
They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality. Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.
Looks like tht is me how do star signs always say wht yr like? tht one really puzzles me a lot.
happiness
I not blogged for so long so this is going to be a mix of a blog im trying not to say how happy i am cos that is all i do off late bday sad thing is i wont really have a bday here will i??? I like bdays they make u feel so special for the day and they also show you the ones that care about you and love you.
Worked out i just have to deal with the shit cos the kid needs me more then how im feeling.
Yes she has spoke to him on phone as well and will see him soon blimey must mean i really like him then So that must be a gd sign if my mummy likes him so much. I think she can see how happy i am and knows he will look after me (ok she said if he did not she would kill him) we all talked about loads we even talked about Xmas as well ............weird really but main thing is im happy as i could ever think i could be i have finally got my fairy tale I have the one thing we all want in life and i still cant believe i have it at times i still find it hard to remember i do have someone to share my bad days with and my bad moments in life i can share them all with him and he wont leave me he will just be there and always stand by me even if i try and push him away he wont go he knows the way i am and loves me to bits I must not forget he also shares the good times as well with me and wont let no1 hurt me As you can tell im so bloody happy i cant believe it sometimes i cant believe how lucky i am to have him at times Do u think im happy? lol so its sat 2day and i just need to get through the next 6 days then i will be in his arms I really cant wait for that. So if i get through 2mor ( i really hate the 16th ) and then my bday and the Tuesday cos i have hospital again which i have a feeling is going to be shitty news as my hands really playing up at the moment i cant feel my little finger yet again so i know that is bad news and my whole arm feels really heavy like it did when it was really bad so looks like i maybe going backwards with my arm again slighty worried abpout this fact as its dead again BLIMEY I am silly i been feeling really ill of late like i did when my arm was bad just twigged its cos me arm and hand is bad oh crap
Friends Without Faces
We sit and we type and we stare at our screens,
We can't help but wonder what all of this means.
With mouse in hand .....we roam through this maze,
On an infinite search.....lost in a daze.
We chat with each other, we type all our woes
At times we'll band together to gang up on our foes.
We wait for somebody, to type out our name
We want recognition, but it is always the same.
Soon friendships are formed - but - why we don't know,
But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.
We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes we'll flirt,
we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.
Why is it on screen, we are so easily bold,
Telling our secrets, that have never been told.
The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell,
We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.
We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must
So we turn to our computers ...and to those we can trust.
Even though it sounds crazy...the truth still remains,
Most of my "friends" have no faces...and odd little names.
Sorry for my boring blog 2day but my heads all over the place and i can't stop thinking about something at the moment. I also got told of for not blogging and ppls were worried about me but i have been so busy with going back 2 work and so tried there are not enuff hours in the day to cope with everything i need 2 do and want 2 do.
Im going now cos if i dont you know wht i will talk about again
byebye
*~HUGS~*
xxx
wht do i call this???
One of the kids in my class we to the hospital this week i asked this child how it went and cos no1 bloody told me why he went i happened to say oh why you go That is when he told me why..... a 12 year told me oh its about me tumor in me head, wht do u say when a 12 year old says tht 2 u? worse thing is they were telling him how long he had left and wht would happen one day he dont understand it at all his lik Miss Hamilton i don't get it and worse thing is cos i was not told i cant answer half his questions and even the ones i can answer i dont want 2 answer them cos i dont think a child should be told that maybe im wrong in thinking that but why tell a child they going 2 die why confuse there lifes and make them sad with all this fucking shit It broke me heart when he told me i just wanted 2 hug him and cry but im a grown up i have 2 hold it all in dont i 
never held it in long tho its starting 2 really eat away at me now i dont like it what is worse i now know what is going to happen for this child and i will be the 1 there for him throught it all.........funny thing for a few days this child has been really round me a lot and i never knew why its for the love i give him and cos i dont tell him his going to die i said to my heads 2day about it and they say its a gd thing his getting close 2 me cos he wont talk 2 no1 else so im a teaching assistant with sen kids thought i would teach kids...... never in me life thought id have 2 deal with this its horrible how do i deal with it? if im like this what is the child like?.......................Read me
WHEN I'M HURTING
It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see me.
It's easier for you to distance yrself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.
It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.
It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.
It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.
It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.
It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.
It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.
It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most.
If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.
But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I hurt alone.
I think this says it all really don't you?
Rumbbles in me head 2day
Im 25 looks like i am a grown up...... Im here to make my OWN mistakes if they are mistakes can't others just leave me alone im getting really fed up of it all now its childish behaviour i work with kids and i don't need it when i have finshed work and i just need to relax so STOP IT !! .......................................... was doing me head in a little then late nights work sucks mates are moaning at me and what have i done ? say its not a shitty day 2day please All theses words i dont say................ I know one thing im scared of something and im not to sure what it is as yet ...........The kisses of the sun is sweet i don't know what to say or do its ok .............When you get what u need are you going to stay i belive in you but am i a fool?? Your not here but your saying its ok why do i do that????................Why is life a mystey at times????........What if you only have one chance and the timing could be wrong but something always stops you doing what you really want to do? im going to leave it all behind and go on to better things im so scared of doing this where ever my life takes me i ask someone to think of me every now and again...... I just want the fighting to stop its no gd for no1 xcant it just all stop cant we talk like grown ups about this ? even in a email just clear the air and lay it all 2 rest please???
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